Today was quite the day. It started quite well. The sun was out, and the wind wasn’t blowing as hard. There were almost no clouds, and there were already people waiting for us as we pulled up.
After everything had been set up and such, I went down to sit about halfway down the boardwalk. I didn’t feel called to talk to anyone, so I just sat and watched and prayed. Soon, lauren motioned me over as if she needed help.
She was standing with a college aged girl, and Lauren asked me why there was suffering in the world. I explained what I believed, how God had the option of making us robots or making us living beings, and by choosing the latter we brought sin and suffering into this world.
The girl, Rachel, asked was suffering our fault then. I said no, it was just something we were born with. Then she proceeded to tell me how here life had been overflowing with suffering. Her parents were murdered in front of her, having their throats slit. Her twin sister was raped and murdered in front of her, and just recently her brother had died in Iraq. He left behind a wife and two children, and to top it off, Rachel had leukemia.
At this point, words ceased to come to mind. What can you say to someone like this and have it truly be meaningful? As we continued to talk, she brushed off all our spiritual talk by saying, “Oh, but it doesn’t matter b/c there isn’t a God.” When we later asked if we could pray for her, she was apathetic, saying that it probably wouldn’t work anyways. We presented the case that if there wasn’t a heaven and hell, we had nothing to lose by following Christ, but if there was, we had everything to lose. She shrugged this off, saying she didn’t care, and hell couldn’t be much worse than what she had gone through.
We spent a lot of time just standing with her, looking out at the ocean. I felt that God didn’t want us to share the gospel with her, but he wanted us to be there so show her his love. Soon, Lauren would go back to get her a book, “God doesn’t believe in atheists.” We prayed with her, and Lauren gave her a hug before she left for the doctors.
As she was walking away, Lauren began to cry, and we sat down to talk. We prayed for Rachel again, and just shared with each other what was going through our minds.
And after Lauren left, I began to pray again. I cried out in anguish and frustration. I wanted God to change whatever plan he was trying to work in her life and just end the suffering in pain. I demanded that the devil loose his hold on her. I don’t think I have ever prayed with such emotion in my life. It was to the point where I was bawling.
Sidenote: I’m not a very emotional person. The last time I can remember crying is freshman year of HS. And that was when I had gotten hit in the eye with a dodgeball.
The image of Jacob wrestling an angel came to mind, and I wanted to do the same. After I had calmed down a bit, I went back to get my bible. I had no idea what to read, but I figured I’d find something good once I went back to sit down.
After I went back to the park bench I opened up my bible and started to read. I had no idea what I was doing, but I just started reading. Here’s what I read:
12 “This is what the LORD says:
” ‘Your wound is incurable,
your injury beyond healing.13 There is no one to plead your cause,
no remedy for your sore,
no healing for you.14 All your allies have forgotten you;
they care nothing for you.
I have struck you as an enemy would
and punished you as would the cruel,
because your guilt is so great
and your sins so many.15 Why do you cry out over your wound,
your pain that has no cure?
Because of your great guilt and many sins
I have done these things to you.16 ” ‘But all who devour you will be devoured;
all your enemies will go into exile.
Those who plunder you will be plundered;
all who make spoil of you I will despoil.17 But I will restore you to health
and heal your wounds,’
declares the LORD,
‘because you are called an outcast,
Zion for whom no one cares.’
At this point in the reading, I just broke down. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. This was Jeremiah 30. I never read Jeremiah. And to think that I had just randomly opened up to this. I have never had to stop reading the bible because of an overwhelming emotion, and I have never cried while reading the bible, but both happened here. It felt like God was speaking directly to me.
18 “This is what the LORD says:
” ‘I will restore the fortunes of Jacob’s tents
and have compassion on his dwellings;
the city will be rebuilt on her ruins,
and the palace will stand in its proper place.19 From them will come songs of thanksgiving
and the sound of rejoicing.
I will add to their numbers,
and they will not be decreased;
I will bring them honor,
and they will not be disdained.20 Their children will be as in days of old,
and their community will be established before me;
I will punish all who oppress them.21 Their leader will be one of their own;
their ruler will arise from among them.
I will bring him near and he will come close to me,
for who is he who will devote himself
to be close to me?’
declares the LORD.22 ” ‘So you will be my people,
and I will be your God.’ ”23 See, the storm of the LORD
will burst out in wrath,
a driving wind swirling down
on the heads of the wicked.24 The fierce anger of the LORD will not turn back
until he fully accomplishes
the purposes of his heart.
In days to come
you will understand this.
That last sentence just sealed the deal. God was saying, “Timmy, you have no idea. You have no right to even think you know a thought of mine. I now EXACTLY what I’m doing, and in due time you will see too.
I went back and shared this passage with Lauren, and she couldn’t believe it either. God was speaking directly to me, straight out of the bible.
And as I think back on Rachel and our interactions, I felt that underneath her hard and lifeless exterior, there was a girl crying inside for love and for something to live for. When I asked her why she woke up every morning, she told us she didn’t really know. But by her continuing on through life, it was evident that she was still seeking. She came to look at the ocean every day, and she wanted, she needed, something to fill up her empty soul.
So please continue to pray for her, that God would just smother her with his love and that he would manifest his love in her life. I pray that the devil would stay far far away from her, and that God would bring people into her lives that truly care for her. And most of all, I pray that God would remind us that he is in control, and he knows EXACTLY what he is doing.
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